The New American Work Ethic

So on Friday, I had a rare few hours where I could step away from work - that thing that I thought responsible adults have to do to take care of themselves and pay their bills - to take care of the luxuries I feel entitled to. Stuff like getting that cavity filled, getting that physical... I'm a total princess, I know.

Walking around town, what do I see but a bunch of other women dressed very nicely, going shopping, spending time with their children... riding the bus and using food stamps at the grocery store. And I think to myself: "Wow. Here I bust my ass for 10-14 hours a day, bring in about 4K a month after taxes, and yet I can't afford Louis Vuitton and Armani... yet these women can. Without jobs no less! How could they really get a job though, when they don't seem to speak a word of English. I really suck. What on earth am I doing wrong?" Seriously. My one pair of Seven jeans I only got because they came from the $30 bargain bin, and my Kate Spade bag? FAKE. I can't justify spending $300 on a real one, when my savings total just barely over 5 digits and I'm nowhere near owning a home.

I just thank God that these financially savvy women, who can afford such nice clothes, fancy acrylic nails with little diamonds in them, lots of jewelery, fancy hairdos, not to mention the care and feeding of several children, not to mention saving for retirement and investing, all without even having a job... are passing on their smart genes so early and so often. Many of these women, with 2 or 3 small children in tow, honestly don't look to be old enough to buy cigarettes or porn without using a fake ID.

Way to go, proactively preventing one of the leading causes of death in the United States! Childbirth and breastfeeding greatly reduce the risk of certain female cancers... these women have singlehandedly reduced their risk and made their health safer! We all know how widespread and deadly cancer is in the teenage/early 20s age group; they're really on the ball to have those babies and get themselves out of danger so early on. Imagine being mature and wise enough to raise children, before you're old enough for a driver's license! Plus, assuming most women can have children into their early-mid 30s - these ladies have about 15 more childbearing years to go. They should be able to pop out maybe 8-10 more children by then, all passing on their smart genes. If this trend continues, by the year 2030, our country will be overrun with geniuses. The education crisis will be fixed, the social security crisis will be solved... and that "Jaywalking" skit Leno does won't be as funny anymore, because there will be too many smart people around to answer his questions wrong. The jokes about the Average American being a moron will be a thing of the past.

Yeah, the inability of some of these women to speak English might seem troubling, but hey, any dumbass can learn English. It's the Spanish, Thai, Arabic, Swahili, etc, that are hard to learn. It's actually really savvy of these women not to learn English - speaking it must make you stupid, so the language should be avoided at all costs.I guess these ladies must be really smart linguistically as well as financially. I mean, look at the women in this country who do speak English.... many have to hold professional jobs that only pay well enough for them to be able to afford 1-3 children, and if these Anglophones happen to be single parents, the money is really tight.

Not to mention, how eco-friendly and civic-minded of these non-English-speaking, non-working women, to use public transportation rather than a car! The rest of us are so wasteful and selfish to insist on constraining children in seatbelts, carseats, vehicles with airbags, and the like.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather have such highly intelligent people reproducing than the morons like myself who have to learn English, go to college or perhaps even graduate school, and work their butts off at a corporate job just to be able to support ourselves. If you can call me "supporting myself". Somewhere between a savings account and a 401K, I still have to shop at the sale racks, and still only make it to the beauty shop maybe 6 times a year.