Platonic my ass. Get a clue.

Following is a sampling of what can be found in this morning's Craigslist in the "Looking for platonic friends" section:

(To my friends reading this - none of you are allowed to move! See what I'd be left to contend with?)

Seeking workday distractions.... - m4w - 27

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Reply to: mailto:pers-148042375@craigslist.org?subject=Seeking%20workday%20distractions....%20-%20m4w%20-%2027
Date: 2006-04-04, 9:23AM EDT


so here's the deal...I'm in a relationship, which I'm happy with. However, since we've been together so long, and given that we both work, the excitement that used to be there isn't quite what it used to be.

I'm looking for someone to e-mail/chat with during the workday to make it go by a little quicker, and who knows, perhaps make work a little bit more exciting in the process. I'm 27, 6-0, PWM; all other pertinent details will be revealed - but you have to e-mail first. :)

• Oh poor baby! You mean BOTH of you have to work?!?!? OMG, like 90% of American adults... Does your girlfriend not have email? Sorry, buddy, but if you're "looking for a female friend to make your work a little bit more exciting".... it sounds to me like you're "ok to settle with your girlfriend, but you still want to see what's out there just in case". If your potential female-friend-waiting-in-the-wings is just wants to be a friend, why would she care about your height, income, and looks anyway? You have no business being in a relationship and acting on your curiosity at the same time - It's not freaking Burger King. You can't have it your way.

• Wanted: drinking buddy - m4w - 28

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  Reply to: mailto:pers-148027618@craigslist.org?subject=Wanted:%20drinking%20buddy%20-%20m4w%20-%2028
  Date: 2006-04-04, 6:48AM EDT
  
  
  Want to have some laughs, drinks, and some good times?
  
  I'm in the area for a few months on business and looking for someone to hang out with. Drop me a line if you're interested in getting together in DC or in the Arlington area!
  
• This guy wants a platonic female friend to get drunk with. Too bad, so sad, your job makes you travel. Happens to people all the damn time. What gives you the right though, to expect some woman to just throw away a few months of her life for a fling with you?

• sick of eating alone - m4w - 40

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  Reply to: mailto:pers-147985935@craigslist.org?subject=sick%20of%20eating%20alone%20-%20m4w%20-%2040
  Date: 2006-04-04, 12:08AM EDT
  
  
  I was having a number 1 medium at McDonald for lunch today, and it became apparent that I am getting sick of Big Macs and Whappers with fries. I wanted to go to a nice sit-down place and have well cooked meal served to me. Maybe little too pricy to enjoy it everyday, but a couple of times a week will be a nice break from fast food arena.
  
  If you enjoy restaurant food prepared for you at the time of your order, but get self conscious about being a single diner, surrounded by diners with lunch companions, you are just like me, and we should dine together.
  
  I'm a married (with 2 kids) IT professional 40 year old male. I love to try new things and open to suggestions.
• Why the hell are you seeking "platonic" female friends to go out to nice restaurants with if you're MARRIED? What's wrong with taking your WIFE? I doubt she knows you're posting here. Again, you're opening the door for feelings or an affair to happen, and for you to lose custody of your children and your house when your wife smartens up and divorces your ass. PS lay off the damn big macs, if you all expect women to be thin and fit, then toe the line yourselves.

• MWM at work searching for CONVERSATION - m4w - 34

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  Reply to: mailto:pers-147811956@craigslist.org?subject=MWM%20at%20work%20searching%20for%20CONVERSATION%20%20-%20m4w%20-%2034
  Date: 2006-04-03, 2:40PM EDT
  
  
  Yes it's another dreary Monday. So would anyone like to chat w/a prof male (yes I'm married) who is supposed to be working yet is posting this ad on craiglist....movies, weather, relationships...whatever I'm game...drop me a line at crd_456 at yahoo dot com...come on you can't be working too hard if you've read this...
• Be honest here, dude... you JUST want to shoot the shit about relations with a woman in a platonic sense? Ooooooookay....

• Looking for new friends - m4w - 25

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  Reply to: mailto:pers-147733905@craigslist.org?subject=Looking%20for%20new%20friends%20-%20m4w%20-%2025
  Date: 2006-04-03, 11:17AM EDT
  
  
  Looking to meet some new ladies in the area. I guess i am just tired of my same old network. Not that we are boring, by any means. Isn't it nice just to say you met someone new today (what if they were sexy and you got along great?)

So you want someone sexy with whom you get along great? Are you maybe looking for a date or possibly a GIRLFRIEND? I can't imagine caring how sexy my platonic friends are or aren't.

Free massage for ladies - m4w - 42

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Reply to: mailto:pers-147720797@craigslist.org?subject=Free%20massage%20for%20ladies%20-%20m4w%20-%2042
Date: 2006-04-03, 10:37AM EDT


I learned massage from thailand and wanna practice more.if you (ladies only with picture)pls email me and we can set time ...

Why, pray tell, do you care about their PICTURE if you are only looking to practice massage on someone lying face down?

OK, people of Liberal Yuppieland, here's the deal:

1) If you truly are only interested in friendship with someone, yet you have physical attractiveness criteria for that person, you are a shallow friend and they're better off without you. If you want a "platonic" friend who's your activity partner in XYZ, stimulates you with interesting conversations, lives with you, etc; AND you care what she looks like (want to find her attractive): drumroll please.... WHAT YOU'RE PROBABLY LOOKING FOR IS A GIRLFRIEND. You will be accepted by mainstream society if you have a personal life, and you are not required to have the perfect job/house/degree/whatever to have a right to do so.

2) If you are married/taken/unavailable, but you need another woman's company to make your life exciting or spice up your days... you are so opening the door to become a cheater. Just don't. Either work on your marriage/relationship to put back in what's missing, or break it off already. And women who agree to this arrangement - for the love of GOD! Get some flippin respect for yourself. Why be some guy's whore? Or some professional help, if breaking up marriages really floats your boat. Many platonic intergender friendships... there's one person who'd go for more in a second, and do whatever it took to get the SO/spouse in the picture out of the way.

3) You are NOT "polyamorous" or whatever the cool little "alternate sexuality" term of the week is. You are either homosexual or heterosexual, anything besides that and either you are not being honest with yourself about your sexuality and/or you obviously have problems committing/staying faithful. Regardless of your morality and religion or lack thereof, the fact still remains that STDs are real and some are deadly.

4) Don't use your flippin' "career" as an excuse for why you need meaningless sex and nothing more. If you are a commitmentphobe, then grow up and admit it. If you have to spend that much time at work, either you are too stupid to do your job, or your boss is managing you badly and you should get some self-respect and consider leaving. People have careers and personal lives all the time. That's exactly how the human population has sustained itself and the economy and technology have developed continually since the beginning of time - people learned how to balance things. And it's not only the stupid people that reproduce either. Smart people, quit hiding your piss poor social skills and selfishness behind your IQ. That shit is played out.