I wanna play!

I want to add to the Banned Books List.

Why or how the freak my childhood favorites James and the Giant Peach (adventures of a little boy and his insect friends), How to Eat Fried Worms (boy stands up to bully), A Wrinkle in Time (this Lutheran minister I know sees Christian themes woven throughout, but a cool intergalactic adventure nonetheless), and The Pigman (I could understand My Darling, My Hamburger being on that list, but seriously, you canNOT hate Paul Zindel!) got on the list is beyond me. Many of them won Newberry and Caldecott medals too, so my literary taste can't be that bad. I'm sure The Cat in The Hat, Chronicles of Narnia, Superfudge, the Ramona books, and Pat the Bunny will follow though.

But anyway, my additions are:

Bartleby the Scrivener
Les Miserables
Everything by Shakespeare and Herman Melville
Oedipus Rex
The Old Man and The Sea
Killer Angels
Canterbury Tales and everything else that was left in "Olde English"

See, I found them so boring that they offended me. When I was in high school, I'd rather have gouged my eyes out than read them. I never understood the value of universally-acknowledged shitty books in the classroom.

And even though I'm not even pregnant, I'm afraid that when I do have children, they'll get their hands on one of these books and never want to read or go to school again, thus becoming vidiots who live in my basement masturbating to anime porn and smoking weed till they're 60. Therefore, there is a clear link between Shakespeare, sexual deviancy, and recreational drug use.