Spam, Spam, Beautiful Spam

I usually ignore spam, but sometimes it's just so freakin' weird that it becomes a train wreck that I can't tear my eyes away from. In this case, I wonder if the writer is a schizophrenic with a piss-poor command of the English language, or if her pharmacist just gives her cooler stuff than mine does.


Klava Stacy
to Magdolna

Is Magdolna my first name? No, she's my old-gypsy-fortune-teller-with-five-teeth-and-a-drinking-problem alter ego. They need email addresses too.

Unclean! Profane! Leave-for you soil me with your presence.

Badly written and overly melodramatic soap opera, or start of a German Schiesse Video?



Silence? Into the car. Speak to me in the office about a salary
you a little time to look around before you have to play your first
some kind of symbol stamped into each of the bricks.

You're gonna pay me? Cool! To do what, teach you how not to write run-on sentences? I'm not going anywhere with you though, till you use a nicer tone of voice.

We all looked
unhappily and tragically turned out to be Liokukae.

Gosh, your grammar sucks. Who's Liokukae, your Polynesain lover?

was now dripping from the metal tube and the starter reached out and

See, I told you not to buy a used car. That isn't going to be cheap to fix.

Any prints lifted from the coins? he asked over his shoulder.

Yeah, and check it out! If you fold George Washington's or Abe Lincoln's head, you can make a mushroom! Damn nickel, Tom Jefferson's face just looks weird when you fold it.

licking the last drops of yummy from our fingers when the shadowlike
Heaven forbid, I muttered gruelly and put the bowl aside. I

WTF? I hate when Heaven forbids me from using poor table manners.

Isnt that for me to decide? Steengo snarled in his best admiralish

When'd he get promoted? He was just a Commander last I checked...