TooMuchCoffeeLady is a Bad Single Woman

That's right biotches... I stayed in not ONLY Friday, but also SATURDAY night!

Ok, so it was more than an abject rebellion against Liberal Yuppieland's ruling stupidarchy that proclaims all unmarried 20-and-30-somethings owe the LY singles scene a life debt of killing our brain cells with excess alcohol and wasting our lives getting cancer from secondhand smoke and getting stupider and more pissed off being treated like shit by superficial drunk assholes in smoky bars and clubs. I felt like crap and don't remember most of Friday evening.

Saturday I woke up feeling better, so I went to a barbecque at my friends' church and learned that yes, you can shock a preist... if your name is TooMuchCoffeeLady and you open your mouth. But toward the end of the day I felt like crap again, so I spent Saturday night in my little nest of blankets with Saturday Night Live, root beer, and a good book, which I recommended earlier. . . It f*cking rocked. For someone who needs others in her life to be happy, I sure am uncomfortable going to crowded places full of strangers. (Not to mention my pathological need to escape the city before nightfall is somewhat strange.) It's like society sends single people the message that "me time" is only something you have a right to have after you have a ring on your finger. Last night, I stole that right and in my acetominiphin-induced euphoria, I loved it.

Not to mention I loved watching the SNL cast lampoon S*x and the City. GENIUS!!!

Viral pharyngitis is a bitch, sure. But as a catalyst to my rebellion, it pretty much was a nice break. If I were a good LY single, I would (a) not have dared miss a Friday and Saturday night at the bars and clubs, who the hell do I think I am; (b) eff being tired and feeling sick, how dare I have feelings, I am an attractive single and I owe random, superficial losers who wouldn't give a flying f*ck about me if their lives depended on it, my presence and casual flings; and most importantly (c) I would have been chomping at the bit to spread my virus around.

Although maybe the last one doesn't really count, since viral pharyngitis isn't an STD, but let's be honest, I am also a bad LY single because I don't have any of those, nor will I date someone with one. (See: probably one of the reasons I am still single.) And no, let's not be wussy little PC people and blanket-call them "STIs" (I for "infection") because well, many of them aren't. You can get rid of infections with antibiotics- like urinary tract infections, gonnorhea, etc - or they go away on their own - like the flu. Diseases stay with you - like herpes, AIDS, Parkinson's, etc - you can't get rid of them. No need to "empower" people who have infectious diseases that are transmitted via sex to make them feel like they are entitled to sleep around. Sure, it only takes one infected partner and having one doesn't make you a bad person by a long shot, but being irresponsible and feeling entitled to having sex with and infecting others does.

Note to real-life friends of TMCL: If there's a chance you might have caught the bug from me (ie, we hung out during the incubation period) I already called you. ;)