On Settling

I am seeing and getting reports that too many people everywhere are just accepting crap and telling themselves they don't deserve any better. Obviously, YES, God/other people/the universe/whoever does not owe us much of anything, but since when is passivity one of the things you're "supposed to do"? Is there anything wrong with saying, "my life lacks this, I feel I need it to be happy, therefore I am going to pursue it" (provided you don't hurt anyone in the process)?

Take the comparison of my two ex-friend EngineerChick and friend CommiePinko, who found themselves pushing 30, single, and unhappy to be that way. EngineerChick took the path of least resistance - "I'm single because nobody wants to date a smart woman!" "If it was meant to be, it would have happened by now!" etc, chopped her hair, stopped wearing makeup because it's unnatural and she didn't want to represent herself falsely, started letting herself go, is a general b*tch to most everyone, and just to be extra "authentic", got herself some Yasmin (aka BC that doesn't provide any of the benefits of the fake hormones, like big boobs and clear skin) and settled for being the booty call of several nonspecial loser guys. Having nothing but a career and being lonely and bitter is noble, she's a martyr and anyone whose life doesn't suck cheated the system somehow. She's given up at age 32. CommiePinko, on the other hand, has always been honest about what he wants out of life, but manages not to bitch constantly when it doesn't just fall into his lap. He got involved in sports, local politics, volunteering, graduate school, his synagogue, makes friends wherever he goes with his positive attitude, throws cool parties, laughs off unfortunate craigslist faux pauses with minimal rubbing it in my face, and probably has one heck of a great time in life. He tried several dating sites, and I undestand has most recently had good luck with eharmony. (Yayy CommiePinko! Good luck!) CP has his whole life ahead of him at age 29. As one should.

Or two of my college classmates BitterDude and EvilElf with their careers. Both are very intelligent, leftish-leaning, somewhat idealistic, hardworking, and have tons of interests (some of which don't translate to high income). BitterDude convinced himself he "couldn't" accomplish the business or econ coursework that was available and strong in our liberal arts program at a top-ranked university. In his eyes, people who geared their studies and internships toward a more business route were stupid, selfish a*holes who made a concious choice not to help the world; people who had trust funds or rich parents or whatever and the associated other choices had had too much handed to them. Somewhere between his attitude, his unbending ideas, and his pooh-poohing of "networking" as being for the weak, he took a full year after graduating with massive loans to find a not-so-well-paying job that barely keeps him in his shitty efficiency 2 blocks from our college campus. Last I heard, he is working his butt off and still complaining about the "stupid" business majors who make twice what he does. EvilElf's family isn't rich either. She was still in school and barely old enough to buy beer when her parents cut her off. She chose a more business leaning major, that despite being the toughest in our school outside of pre-med, she did extremely well in. EvilElf didn't befriend people based on their dads' jobs, but when an internship came open at our friend PartyGirl's dad's firm, she wasn't too proud to apply. EvilElf now has a "corporate" job that doesn't necessarily fufill all her interests, but she sees the experience and the salary as means to a few different ends. I am sure her 9-5 life doesn't have her reeling on the edge of her seat, but she satisfies her interests through volunteer work, outside activities, reading, planning vacations, political involvement, and hopefully a secret project.... and now has decent enough work experience that she is exploring pursuing her dream job. She's a heck of a lot happier and infinitely more financially stable than BitterDude.

I could go on and on and on - by EngineerChick and BitterDude's mindset, people who:
-get medical treatments such as bypass surgery or allergy medicine;
-move themselves to a safer neighborhood;
-purchase homes;
-leave abusive relationships;
-get higher education;
-go to therapy;
-join activities they enjoy and make friends;
-bathe;
-etc
are all totally evil because they made their lives better by doing something that didn't happen naturally.

F*ck character building. There is nothing noble about suffering for suffering's sake. If you do something that makes you suffer, and nobody benefits from what you do, you're not a martyr, you're a tool. A tool in need of an attitude adjustment.

I mean, jeez, people! Who said you were obligated to be unhappy? Who are you helping? How can you say "it's not meant to happen because it's not being handed to me on a silver platter" when all the tools you need to make it happen are right there available to you?

If you are unhappy, get up off your ass, take off your blinders, and get your shit together. You're not getting any younger.