On My Home Planet

I have an opinion about everything, and here it is for the world to see.

Hating on: morons, self-righteous political extremists, the man-and-baby-hating strain of feminism, CraigsList, yuppies, careerists, white liberal guilt, people devoid of any sense of morals or personal responsbility, and other generally clueless and misguided types who continually piss me off.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The difference between a Fiance(e) and a Boy/Girlfriend

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it annoying when someone insists on referring to someone's fiance(e) as "your boy/girlfriend". Dude. A boy/girlfriend is someone you are "just dating" - you may or may not have any intention of marrying that person. But, for now, you're not ready to take that step, and enjoying the present with that person - be it in the occasional date or in a full-blown "living in sin."

And yes, from a legal standpoint, being engaged is the same as just dating (or just being friends, or not knowing that person from Adam). But from an emotional/social standpoint, is it ever different. If you have anything resembling a healthy relationship with your fiance(e), then of course the two of you are still having dates and enjoying the moment with one another. For many, saying "Will you marry me"/"Yes! I will!" is the emotional equivalent of "I do". And, following the period of insanity known as "wedding planning", at the end of the engagement and being fiance(e)s is the legal commitment known as marriage. See the difference? Referring to someone's fiance(e) as their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" basically discounts the commitment these two people have made to one another and downplays the sacred, important journey the two are undertaking together.

I can speak only for myself here, but the only people I have ever heard refer to Mr.TMCL and I as "boyfriend/girlfriend" since we got engaged either didn't like one of us, didn't support our marriage in particular, or didn't support marriage in general.

Conclusion: If someone is engaged, they have a fiance(e). NOT a boyfriend or girlfriend anymore.

This PSA has been brought to you by TooMuchCoffeeLady.

What the hell, Hot Topic?

"TMCL, you really are obsessed with this Cheese fella, aren't you?" - Mad Asian Woman

Yes, Mishl is right, which is part of the reason I am so outraged and saddened by Hot Topic's latest editions to the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends line.

I mean, they've misquoted Cheese all over the place! It's "GottaGoGottaGoGottaGoGottaGo", not "CheeseGottaGo". And it's "I'm a horsey!" not "I wanna horsey". "I like chocolate milk", not "Cheese like milkshakes". And so forth, and so on.

People, people, people! MacMcCracken and Candi Milo have got to be the greatest comedic genuises of all time for creating Cheese, and you can't even get the guy quoted right? Cheese saves lives! Cheese saves marriages and brings families together! There is nothing Cheese can't do. In many ways, his cross-eyed smile, club foot, and flatulence are humankind's only hope!

The "I Pooted" body spray is the only thing that might redeem you from my banning your store from my conciousness for good. Might. If you want to take a stab, Hot Topic corporate folks (would it ever be hilarious to meet you lot!) send me an email, and I'm more than happy to provide my mailing address.

Monday, September 24, 2007

My turn to be a Bridezilla

Confession Time: Mr. TMCL was married briefly in 95 (days after he became old enough to drink beer at his own reception), and filed for divorce within the year. After an 11 year hiatus, the man is taking the plunge again. Would I have preferred to be #1? Sure, but we all make mistakes when we're younger; not to mention I get a beautiful, awesome, stepdaughter out of this marriage. I almost made the mistake of rejecting him because he was divorced, and am so glad I just gave it a shot. In fact, everyone that I know who is married, their spouse has something about them that would have made one of my single friends reject that person.

Anyhoo, WTF is up with people's attitudes about "second weddings don't deserve X, Y, Z." Um, hello, this is our first wedding TOGETHER, and unless I'm seriously a moron, it is my first wedding, period. That means (future in laws, this means you) that you're the jackass if you get bent out of shape that we registered, are having a church wedding/reception, etc. If you truly feel that "well, I've already been to a wedding for Mr. TMCL", "It's wrong to have a celebration unless it's a first time for both of you," "your engagement was too short,", "your stepdaughter is going to grow up to be an ax murderer if she gets a stepmom/half siblings" etc, then do us all a favor and don't fucking come on Saturday. Please. Save the wear and tear on your car. It's just that simple.

And yes, I can't help but feel hurt there hasn't been a shower, bachelorette party, anything like that. Yes, I have been engaged before, but not long enough to have any of those celebrations. Don't get me wrong, my drinking alcohol would probably be a bad idea, I already have a blender, and I can afford to buy my own ginsu knife or whatever, but it's more feeling like people were actually happy for me and wanted to celebrate with me. I'd even have been happy to have like a dinner where I'd had to pay for my own plate. I don't even need gifts, or food, just more time to celebrate with my friends. With having moved and having a new house, time with my friends is not something I get a ton of these days. Something, anything, to demonstrate to me that Mr. TMCL and I aren't the only ones happy about this. Friends of mine who have had less formal/expensive weddings, shorter engagements, assholes for spouses, have all had that stuff. Maybe I'm being a whiny baby, but I don't understand what I did wrong that all of a sudden that's changed.

Oh, and, if all of a sudden, you claim to have gone from being a complete and total lush to not being able to handle being around alcohol at all (with no mention of a 12-step program or anything like that, not to mention I know you better than that), don't be floored if I call bullshit.

This PSA has been brought to you by TooMuchCoffeeLady.

Friday, September 21, 2007

A Great Big F-U to my Pancreas

No, seriously, I effing hate your guts and will one day have you removed, you stupid, ungrateful, malfunctioning peice of shit. Seriously, what the hell is your problem. Aside from my coffee guzzling habits, which should have had no effect on you, I eat like a freakin hippie saint - barely touching refined sugars, bleached flours, lots of fruits and veggies. I have exercised twice a week, despite my wonky hip (that car accident, remember? Consider yourself lucky I can still walk), and my BMI has never reached above 23%. I know I'm small framed, but dammit, my fat jeans are a size 4!

And here you go reacting like I'm some obese person who sits around on the sofa all day chugging regular soda and eating bon-bons. High cholesterol, intestinal disturbances, f*cked up blood sugar, hormonal disturbances my ass. This is America, bitch! I've treated you damned well. SORRY for having a peice of candy like once a week. Jeez. You've seriously overreacted. But, in your face, asshole, so did my endochrinologist. Notice me shitting my brains out on the hour? Highest dose of Met the law will allow. So take that.

Speaking of which, Adam Sandler? You only think you hold the world's record for The Longest Pee, dude. If you can seriously sell CDs and make money with that shit, I'm going to start bringing a tape recorder into the can with me. I'm still better looking than you, even with the insulin gut and zits. I hope you're at least donating the proceeds to the American Diabetes Foundation, beeyotch!

And let's talk for a second about how happy I am to get to spend the rest of my life on the South Beach diet. It is seriously, the biggest pain in the ass to eat the way I'm supposed to be eating. Do you internets have any idea how much of the food in this country is chock full of bleached flour, refined sugar, and other substances that are apparently a "poisin" to my body? About 99%. It blows. And, the foods that aren't full of that crap cost about 3x what regular food does, and are massively inconvenient to buy/store. Papa John's, you are put on notice. OFFER SOME WHOLE WHEAT CRUSTS, dammit!

In closing, I will say it again. Fuck you, my pancreas. Hard. In the ass.



Guess who's back? Back again...

Yep, internets, part at the urgings of maybe my biggest fan, The Coolest Person in The Universe (TCPITU), and part at the myriad rants I have bottled up inside me, I have decided to revive this blog.

Since I last typed I have:

- Bought a home
- Moved to the Baaah-ble Bay-ult
- Gotten a new job
- Gotten diagnosed with diabetes, the first effin week at my new job in fact

And, I'm full of bile about most of that.