On My Home Planet

I have an opinion about everything, and here it is for the world to see.

Hating on: morons, self-righteous political extremists, the man-and-baby-hating strain of feminism, CraigsList, yuppies, careerists, white liberal guilt, people devoid of any sense of morals or personal responsbility, and other generally clueless and misguided types who continually piss me off.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Trustafarians and sanctimonious whining...

I ran into a friend from college I've lost touch with, who tells me her ambition is "not to become a corporate whore". That's a noble enough ambition, but... you have to be aware of the implications of that choice, and how the decreased bankroll will affect your lifestyle. She doesn't have that awareness; to her, shopping at OldNavy is slumming. Yet, she's anathema to actually getting a job.

I am so tired of people who feel entitled to, and go in debt up to their eyeballs to have, the lifestyle that can only be supported by having a sizeable bankroll - organic foods, designer clothes, nice house, lots of international vacations - yet are the first to scream "sellout" the minute someone takes a white-collar desk job. These people don't realize that for those of us not born with a silver spoon in our mouths and fat trust funds in our names (or without supermodel looks or superstar singing and/or athletic abilities), that we HAVE to become "corporate whores" to acheive that lifestyle. And by "that lifestyle" I mean "anything above and beyond living on the street", which is exactly where I'd be if I didn't have a job. Yes, I had to start working at the lower levels of my "Maslo's hierarchy of needs" pyramid. I can't spend 100% of my time on spiritual enlightment when I need to put a roof over my head and food in my mouth. Of course I'm not emotionally fulfilled by mortgages, but I deal. It just doesn't work any other way. Don't get me wrong, if you have that kind of money, more power to you, but at least realize that your situation is not that of the other 6 billion people on this planet.

And even if your family does have enough money so that nobody for the next umpteen million generations ever has to take a job... how do you think you got so rich in the first place? You guessed it, your great-grandpa was a corporate whore himself. And very good at it. So why are you living off his money and turning up your nose at the rest of us who want something similar for ourselves and our families?


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Please remember how American TV works...

...or the ultimate in "chick TV" will destroy the country! If it hasn't already...

Specifically, Sex and the City. I love watching it as much as the next woman - many quality discussions have happened during commercial breaks, many important life issues resolved afterwards by a council of girlfriends, many an excuse to binge on pizza and icecream. Good times.

When I was an exchange student, I noticed about a bajillion cultural differences between my home country and my host one. A large one of which was this: In the US, we know that TV is byperbolle - real life is never that way. In that country, TV imitates life to a tee. My neighbors and classmates assumed a lot of bad things about me, unfairly I might add, because they thought being an American, I was just like the 90210 girls they saw on "yanqui" TV. Some people missed out on getting to know a great person because they way they acted based on those assumptions pissed me off so much.

I've been back in the US for 6 years now, and I think that Americans aren't getting it either anymore. Specifically, men are watching Sex and the City, assuming women are all that way, and it's destroying gender relationships in this country.

Among the unrealistic garbage on that show that men now assume is true/expect of women:

  • Style: So a corporate lawyer, and a trust fund baby-turned divorcee worth a few mil maybe can afford to be decked out in the latest from Prada and Manolo. A journalist and a PR professional - most likely cannot. Not to mention, they certiainly can't afford to rent their own, multi-room apartments in Manhattan. Much less to buy them.
  • Aging: (Natural) blondes and redheads in their 30s and 40s DON'T HAVE PERFECT SKIN. Unless they have had several facelifts, botox, collagen, and decades of expert dermatology care.
  • Drinking: Nor is it normal to down several cosmos a day at that age and remain reed-thin. It's not possible in your 20s when your metabolism is faster. Not to mention, anyone in real life who drinks that much has a red nose. (See Ted Kennedy)
  • STDs: Never in that show did anyone get an STD, and those four screwed two thirds of one of the most populated city in the USA. 25% of adults have herpes. 70-some odd percent contract HPV at some point. Curables like chlamydia and gonhorrhea probably abound. And those numbers skyrocket in urban areas. It's just impossible in this day and age to have that much sex and not get at least one disease. Times four.
  • Sex drive: We are not all Samantha Jones. Many women - I mean, of the ones without psychological problems - aren't all about getting laid, "loving" and leaving, humping and dumping. That would be the stereotypical male. And yet of all the people I know, male and female, none of them are into that - they're either looking for committed relationships or single-by-choice and respect themselves and their bodies. Nor is sex discussed among women in such a mercenary, "I'm just using these guys, it's power for me" fashion.
  • More about sex: I don't know anyone in real life that routinely fucks after two or three dates.
  • Bars: Are for people where people who aren't old enough to rent cars and who aren't old/wise enough to know any better, troll for soulmates. But not so much in your late 20s and beyond. I know one person who met her SO in a bar (hi, Carissa!) and I maintain she and he just had dumb luck.
  • Relationships: NO selfrespecting woman, esp in her 30s, would put up with the crap Carrie takes from Big for six years. Nor would she move five time zones away with "just a boyfriend". Nor is a woman who has suffered through the hell of law school and high-stress, low-respect life at a corporate law firm going to shack up with a bartender and let him mooch off her for life. I know very few women who truly love their careers. And since when do moms get promoted in the real life corporate sphere?
  • Biological clocks: If yours starts ticking in your mid-30s like Charlotte's did... good freakin luck. And look how well that turned out for her. Sure, real life women may sometimes accidentally get pregnant in their mid-30s like Miranda did, but they're in the vast minority. Most of my friends - in their 20s and 30s - who are parents took a few years of trying. With medical intervention.

In short, the only part of that show that was realistic was Samantha getting cancer and saying on the show that breast and other female cancers are largely caused by not giving childbirth. That 30-second soundbyte was the only admission in six seasons that yes, there are dire consequences for a lifestyle like hers.

But men seriously watch this stuff (why is a straight man watching chick TV, anyway?) and expect women to be just like these ladies. They're in for a big dissapointment. And so are the women, who also lose out as a result of these psychotic expectations.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Unhealthy social interaction? Check MeetIn...


I'll admit, I have been to a few meetin events myself, and, as I was strictly in search of a fun afternoon/meeting potential new platonic friends, I had a decent time. But after a few conversations with some self-described "meetin junkies", I became less and less impressed, and wonder how healthy of an environment it really is.

Meetin leadership stresses (at least the Liberal YuppieLand chapter) that the group is militantly "anti-dating". It's great that it's not a meat market (or at least it claims not to be, I find it hard to believe that hooking up doesn't take place given many of the events seem centered around alcohol and partying), but the other extreme is not so great either.

Dating is arguably natural societal constructs - the couples/marriage/family unit has been dominant, all over the world, for millenia. People "clicking" and possibly falling in love is really just a natural outcome of being in social settings - it's the numbers game of the more people you meet, the more likely it is to happen to you. In other words, unless you and/or everyone you hang out with is majorly flawed, the more friends you have, the more likely it's gonna be that you'll at least get dates.

For one reason or another, we've all had times in our lives when we're single and NOT looking and there's nothing wrong with that. And there are the Samantha Joneses of the world who are the eternal bachelors and bachelorettes by choice and love their lives. But the vast majority of the single people I know are really pretty sad that they don't have a special someone in their lives. It's about a 25-75 split between "it's your fault you're single, you're too picky" and single for lack of other options, the latter being the larger group. Maybe that's why something like 90% of everybody over 18 in this country either is now, has been in the past, or will be in the future, married. Financially, professionally, physical-and-mental-health-wise, living longer, succumbing to STDs and cancers less often, less frequently the victims of violent crime - married people fare better across the board. You can't blame people for wanting that.

And why create an organization where people are discouraged from something so common? It's just unnatural. A group that strove to be a truly healthy and welcoming social environment wouldn't try to tell its members not to date one another if they wanted. They're adults! Get over it!


Thursday, April 13, 2006

I'll stop gesturing obscenely if you'll SOBER UP AND LEARN HOW TO FREAKIN' DRIVE!

To everyone who learned to drive south of the Mason-Dixon line:
YOU SUCK!  You are an inbred, boozesoaked psycho who no more belongs behind a wheel than a neonazi gang belongs teaching a kindergarden class.  Designate a driver if you're going to happy hour.  Don't get behind the wheel if you're so blotto you can't remember your first name. Use your damn blinkers.  Don't take 10 minutes to make a simple right-hand turn.  Don't drive 15 mph unless you're in a parade or a traffic jam.  When I'm trying to switch into your lane, don't speed up so I can't get in.  Stay in your own damn lane.  Buses, this means you.  If you don't know how to drive on the ice, STAY OFF THE DAMN ROAD!  And by the way, traffic wouldn't suck so bad around here if you didn't insist on staying half a mile away from the car in front of you. The green light means go and the gas pedal is on the right. Use a headset if you insist on talking on the cell phone.  Don't stop dead center in the middle of the lane in a parking lot.  Speed bumps mean SLOW DOWN, not stop for five minutes. Turn off your freaking hydraulics; your car's older than you are, worth $10, and your sound system looks ridiculous.  If you plow into my tinfoil compact with your Hummer at 50 MPH, don't act all scandalized when I have some choice words for you. The police officer's not going to ticket me for fucking swearing at you when the accident's clearly your fault. Oh, and I-95... is not the freakin Indy500 track.  So don't freaking drag race there, mkay? 

Especially in a state where there are a lot of Northern transplants who are all allowed to pack heat.  Get a clue.  No wonder we beat you idiots in the Civil War, "y'all" have no flippin common sense.


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Question for you smokers

For those of you who smoke in public, knowing that others are likely to get fatally ill over time because of inhaling your secondhand smoke: What the freak is your deal? They have known for like 15 years that secondhand smoke causes cancer (see: why nonsmokers like Dana Reeve die of cancer every day), so why do you continue to force other people to inhale carcinogens - without the benefit of the filter you have in front of your mouth - in the name of YOUR vice?

Yes, it IS your body and you DO have a right to kill yourself slowly and painfully if that's what you want. Cancer is a fantastic way to lose weight quickly, and chemo is an excellent (and insurance-company-subsidized!) way to eliminate unwanted body hair. But do you honestly believe your lack of self-control and lack of self-respect negates the rest of our right to protect our health? Or do you honestly expect everyone who is asthmatic, pregnant, a child, elderly, a cancer patient/survivor, etc to wear a gas mask everywhere so nobody's right to preserve their well-being cramps your style? What if I decide my desire to kick your ass trumps YOUR right to look after your well-being?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Limited Edition.... SHOES?!?!?

They seem to start at $500, and go up to about $1600. 

Oh, come ON.  They're shoes!  And how can something be "vintage" when it's a reissue of a shoe first made in 1994?  If that shoe were a person, it wouldn't have even gone through puberty yet.  That's not antique.  Wearing something that was high-style 12 years ago is what's know as "bad fashion sense".   Which God knows dominated the 80s and 90s.   Hey, I have some decade old toilet paper, maybe I could sell that for a couple hundred clams?   It IS vintage after all...
If not for Sex and the City, this Manolo guy would be yet another over-expensive designer that the masses drool over, but know they can't afford.  But since TV portrays these shoes as something journalists can afford to purchase weekly.... they must be affordable.
I give it a week before some tool walks into work wearing them.  And a week and two minutes before she starts bitching about how she can't afford to save money, and how do people afford homes and children?  And three minutes after that until she starts cutting down my 9 wests or Steve Maddens (which only paupers wear) and criticising me for not spending more money on myself.  I must be stupid to save money if I am a childless nonhomeowner.  I give it two weeks before some armani-clad tool with middle-class parents I know from college who is now half a million dollars in student loan debt and working on their third masters degree in genocide studies or something equally lucrative - or working at a nonprofit for 12K a year -  is doing the same.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Platonic my ass. Get a clue.

Following is a sampling of what can be found in this morning's Craigslist in the "Looking for platonic friends" section:

(To my friends reading this - none of you are allowed to move! See what I'd be left to contend with?)

Seeking workday distractions.... - m4w - 27

Reply to: mailto:pers-148042375@craigslist.org?subject=Seeking%20workday%20distractions....%20-%20m4w%20-%2027
Date: 2006-04-04, 9:23AM EDT

so here's the deal...I'm in a relationship, which I'm happy with. However, since we've been together so long, and given that we both work, the excitement that used to be there isn't quite what it used to be.

I'm looking for someone to e-mail/chat with during the workday to make it go by a little quicker, and who knows, perhaps make work a little bit more exciting in the process. I'm 27, 6-0, PWM; all other pertinent details will be revealed - but you have to e-mail first. :)

  • Oh poor baby! You mean BOTH of you have to work?!?!? OMG, like 90% of American adults... Does your girlfriend not have email? Sorry, buddy, but if you're "looking for a female friend to make your work a little bit more exciting".... it sounds to me like you're "ok to settle with your girlfriend, but you still want to see what's out there just in case". If your potential female-friend-waiting-in-the-wings is just wants to be a friend, why would she care about your height, income, and looks anyway? You have no business being in a relationship and acting on your curiosity at the same time - It's not freaking Burger King. You can't have it your way.
  • Wanted: drinking buddy - m4w - 28

    Reply to: mailto:pers-148027618@craigslist.org?subject=Wanted:%20drinking%20buddy%20-%20m4w%20-%2028
    Date: 2006-04-04, 6:48AM EDT

    Want to have some laughs, drinks, and some good times?

    I'm in the area for a few months on business and looking for someone to hang out with. Drop me a line if you're interested in getting together in DC or in the Arlington area!
  • This guy wants a platonic female friend to get drunk with. Too bad, so sad, your job makes you travel. Happens to people all the damn time. What gives you the right though, to expect some woman to just throw away a few months of her life for a fling with you?
  • sick of eating alone - m4w - 40

    Reply to: mailto:pers-147985935@craigslist.org?subject=sick%20of%20eating%20alone%20-%20m4w%20-%2040
    Date: 2006-04-04, 12:08AM EDT

    I was having a number 1 medium at McDonald for lunch today, and it became apparent that I am getting sick of Big Macs and Whappers with fries. I wanted to go to a nice sit-down place and have well cooked meal served to me. Maybe little too pricy to enjoy it everyday, but a couple of times a week will be a nice break from fast food arena.

    If you enjoy restaurant food prepared for you at the time of your order, but get self conscious about being a single diner, surrounded by diners with lunch companions, you are just like me, and we should dine together.

    I'm a married (with 2 kids) IT professional 40 year old male. I love to try new things and open to suggestions.
  • Why the hell are you seeking "platonic" female friends to go out to nice restaurants with if you're MARRIED? What's wrong with taking your WIFE? I doubt she knows you're posting here. Again, you're opening the door for feelings or an affair to happen, and for you to lose custody of your children and your house when your wife smartens up and divorces your ass. PS lay off the damn big macs, if you all expect women to be thin and fit, then toe the line yourselves.
  • MWM at work searching for CONVERSATION - m4w - 34

    Reply to: mailto:pers-147811956@craigslist.org?subject=MWM%20at%20work%20searching%20for%20CONVERSATION%20%20-%20m4w%20-%2034
    Date: 2006-04-03, 2:40PM EDT

    Yes it's another dreary Monday. So would anyone like to chat w/a prof male (yes I'm married) who is supposed to be working yet is posting this ad on craiglist....movies, weather, relationships...whatever I'm game...drop me a line at crd_456 at yahoo dot com...come on you can't be working too hard if you've read this...
  • Be honest here, dude... you JUST want to shoot the shit about relations with a woman in a platonic sense? Ooooooookay....
  • Looking for new friends - m4w - 25

    Reply to: mailto:pers-147733905@craigslist.org?subject=Looking%20for%20new%20friends%20-%20m4w%20-%2025
    Date: 2006-04-03, 11:17AM EDT

    Looking to meet some new ladies in the area. I guess i am just tired of my same old network. Not that we are boring, by any means. Isn't it nice just to say you met someone new today (what if they were sexy and you got along great?)
So you want someone sexy with whom you get along great? Are you maybe looking for a date or possibly a GIRLFRIEND? I can't imagine caring how sexy my platonic friends are or aren't.

Free massage for ladies - m4w - 42

Reply to: mailto:pers-147720797@craigslist.org?subject=Free%20massage%20for%20ladies%20-%20m4w%20-%2042
Date: 2006-04-03, 10:37AM EDT

I learned massage from thailand and wanna practice more.if you (ladies only with picture)pls email me and we can set time ...

Why, pray tell, do you care about their PICTURE if you are only looking to practice massage on someone lying face down?

OK, people of Liberal Yuppieland, here's the deal:

1) If you truly are only interested in friendship with someone, yet you have physical attractiveness criteria for that person, you are a shallow friend and they're better off without you. If you want a "platonic" friend who's your activity partner in XYZ, stimulates you with interesting conversations, lives with you, etc; AND you care what she looks like (want to find her attractive): drumroll please.... WHAT YOU'RE PROBABLY LOOKING FOR IS A GIRLFRIEND. You will be accepted by mainstream society if you have a personal life, and you are not required to have the perfect job/house/degree/whatever to have a right to do so.

2) If you are married/taken/unavailable, but you need another woman's company to make your life exciting or spice up your days... you are so opening the door to become a cheater. Just don't. Either work on your marriage/relationship to put back in what's missing, or break it off already. And women who agree to this arrangement - for the love of GOD! Get some flippin respect for yourself. Why be some guy's whore? Or some professional help, if breaking up marriages really floats your boat. Many platonic intergender friendships... there's one person who'd go for more in a second, and do whatever it took to get the SO/spouse in the picture out of the way.

3) You are NOT "polyamorous" or whatever the cool little "alternate sexuality" term of the week is. You are either homosexual or heterosexual, anything besides that and either you are not being honest with yourself about your sexuality and/or you obviously have problems committing/staying faithful. Regardless of your morality and religion or lack thereof, the fact still remains that STDs are real and some are deadly.

4) Don't use your flippin' "career" as an excuse for why you need meaningless sex and nothing more. If you are a commitmentphobe, then grow up and admit it. If you have to spend that much time at work, either you are too stupid to do your job, or your boss is managing you badly and you should get some self-respect and consider leaving. People have careers and personal lives all the time. That's exactly how the human population has sustained itself and the economy and technology have developed continually since the beginning of time - people learned how to balance things. And it's not only the stupid people that reproduce either. Smart people, quit hiding your piss poor social skills and selfishness behind your IQ. That shit is played out.