On My Home Planet

I have an opinion about everything, and here it is for the world to see.

Hating on: morons, self-righteous political extremists, the man-and-baby-hating strain of feminism, CraigsList, yuppies, careerists, white liberal guilt, people devoid of any sense of morals or personal responsbility, and other generally clueless and misguided types who continually piss me off.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Reasons Not to Take The Christmas Tree Down Yet

I'm too lazy.

Green matches the decor in our living room.

It'll be Christmas again in 11.5 months anyway.

Will help us keep the spirit of Christmas in our hearts year round.

Lots of the ornaments are red, and red is the color scheme for Valentine's day - in less than a month!

Arbor day is in May or September or something like that. I could start a new trend by having a fake tree in the living room to celebrate this holiday.

Mr. TMCL can take the ornaments off the tree and make them fight each other.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Spam, Spam, Beautiful Spam

I usually ignore spam, but sometimes it's just so freakin' weird that it becomes a train wreck that I can't tear my eyes away from. In this case, I wonder if the writer is a schizophrenic with a piss-poor command of the English language, or if her pharmacist just gives her cooler stuff than mine does.

Klava Stacy
to Magdolna

Is Magdolna my first name? No, she's my old-gypsy-fortune-teller-with-five-teeth-and-a-drinking-problem alter ego. They need email addresses too.

Unclean! Profane! Leave-for you soil me with your presence.

Badly written and overly melodramatic soap opera, or start of a German Schiesse Video?

Silence? Into the car. Speak to me in the office about a salary
you a little time to look around before you have to play your first
some kind of symbol stamped into each of the bricks.

You're gonna pay me? Cool! To do what, teach you how not to write run-on sentences? I'm not going anywhere with you though, till you use a nicer tone of voice.

We all looked
unhappily and tragically turned out to be Liokukae.

Gosh, your grammar sucks. Who's Liokukae, your Polynesain lover?

was now dripping from the metal tube and the starter reached out and

See, I told you not to buy a used car. That isn't going to be cheap to fix.

Any prints lifted from the coins? he asked over his shoulder.

Yeah, and check it out! If you fold George Washington's or Abe Lincoln's head, you can make a mushroom! Damn nickel, Tom Jefferson's face just looks weird when you fold it.

licking the last drops of yummy from our fingers when the shadowlike
Heaven forbid, I muttered gruelly and put the bowl aside. I

WTF? I hate when Heaven forbids me from using poor table manners.

Isnt that for me to decide? Steengo snarled in his best admiralish

When'd he get promoted? He was just a Commander last I checked...

Friday, January 12, 2007

Trainwreck in Progress...

Q: What do you get when you take:

1. A germophobic, beer-and-toilet-humor-loving, small-town jock from New England;

2. A spliff-smoking, Armani-clad, hard-partying, trustafarian Arab who redefines "EuroTrash";

3. And a straight-laced, nerdy "born again" from the Bible Belt;

and make the three of them live together in a 12'x14' room?

A: Either the funniest reality TV show ever made, a recipe for World War 3, or BabyBro's college dorm room (he goes to school about 10 miles from where I live) for this semester. I give this one three days. I'm readying the spare bedroom and unearthing my Beavis & Butthead DVDs as we speak.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Happy Birthday, Bro

You'd be 25 today, old enough to rent a car. Would you have ended up tall and brunette like BabyBro or have stayed short and blonde like me and Sis? Liked toilet humor like me and BabyBro, or thought it was dumb like Sis? Would we have made fun of you forever for being scared of Santa Claus?

Instead of mailing your gift today, I get to call Mom and Dad and listen to them cry.

I still miss you, and honestly, I wish to God it could've been somebody else's brother that died. Honestly, I can think of some others right off the top of my head, without whom humanity would have been better off, that deserved to die young more than you. Why are they so fucking special that they get to live and you don't? None of us did anything do deserve having to grow up without you.

I love you, Little Baldy.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

On the Road Again...

I've finally had it with the traffic around here.

Last night, I acheived the ultimate in "I'm just sitting on my ass doing nothing", when I managed to hack into a neighboring business's wifi and send actually emails from my car on my commute home last night. (That's right, if you heard from me between 5 and 5:45 last night, you were getting email live from the toomuchcoffeeladymobile. How did I do this without totalling my car and/or getting myself and others killed? Easy.

In the 45 minutes in question, I moved half. A. Mile.

And worse, Tuesday morning it took me over two hours to commute the 11.5 miles from my apartment to this job. In that time I managed to:

  • do my hair
  • give myself a manicure
  • read 20 pages of a novel

And, tragically, this wouldn't be the first time I've accomplished any of these in my godawful morning commute. Best of all, public transportation is not an option (it's not just that it sucks, it's that there are no metro stations anywhere near my office) and if and when Mr.TMCL and I are ready to buy a house, anything we'd be able to afford would more than double both of our commutes. And the both of us have good jobs that pay quite nicely. What in the world do less well-off couples do?

At what point do you say, enough, I've had it, I'm leaving the area? I'm close. I really am. There seems nothing you can do here to avoid being controlled by your commute.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Holy crap! Liberals, here go your excuses...

It would seem that there is yet another arguement against killing human embryos for medical research purposes... if you absolutely, positively need embryonic stem cells (ie, if the more stable adult stem cells, you know, the ones with a better track record of yielding results, just won't do), you can now get them from adult skin cells.

Assuming the (borderline liberal rag) Washington Post isn't lying, then, that's one less reason to murder the unborn - instead of sacrificing a human embryo's life to get some stem cells that (a) may be rejected by the donor's body and (b) may not develop quite right anyway, you can just take a little bit of that person's flesh and get what you need.

So it would seem ... that the pro-embryonic stem cell crowd is not so much lifesaving medical pioneers, but rather a modern-day American Josef Mengele movement.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

To all my friends and readers! Wish you all the best in 2007.