New Year's Resolutions

People always ask me what mine are in January, and they're kind of barking up the wrong tree. See, for me to make New Year's resolutions in January is kind of arbitrary - on January 1, 2007, I'll be approximately 27.625 years old - not really a new year. To me, it has always made better sense for me to make them when my *real* new year starts - in May, when my actual birthday is. Quite honestly, I'm a lot more likely to keep them in May, just because January and February are so dark that I get all unmotivated and bummed.

However, this year is different. I do have a New Year's resolution that I am making for this January 1, and I am enlisting help because I need someone to stay on my overcaffeinated butt to up-hold my resolution. Basically, just check my other blog periodically and email me maybe every other week asking if I've made any progress. Any takers? You can reach my email through my profile. ;)

Google Keywords of the Day:

Naked Asian Women

New Years'

Drunk

Debauchery

MEChA

Colbert Report

Garfield

Fun With Google

So as of late, I have become obsessed with checking the counter on my page. So cool that I have a fan in India, and in London, Toomuchcoffeelady's gone global! :)

Someone in Bedford, PA checks out my blog several times a day, yet never posts comments. Gee, I wonder who that would be... Grow up, dude. What are you hoping to accomplish here?

But maybe it's time for me to start watching my language. The google searches that bring people to my page? "Fattest Women on the Planet". "Children Hatred Psychological Problems". Awesome. I google some weird shit myself when I get bored at work, I understand. This is beyond amusing though, so let me see if I can't get on more google searches.

Google Key Words of the Day:
Circus Midgets
Libertarian
Kevin Federline is a skeezy no-talent assclown
New Years' Resolutions (I make mine in May)
Women
Chick Lit
Technorati
NaNoWriMo (sigh, one of these days)
Elephant
James Bond
Peewee Herman

Man, I need to do some work...

I Hate Winter (A post about Not-the-Weather)

I'm borrowing trouble to even be thinking about this in December, but... I'm already dreading January and February.

How ungrateful, right? I have my first (and let's hope only) "engaged" Valentines' day, lots of wedding planning stuff (which is fun in its own right), and my semi-secret project to look forward to.

But seriously, when it's cold, crappy, and dark outside by 4 PM, the whole world just seems crappy and dark. Skiing, Christmas, New Years and Valentine's day are, in my humble opinion, the only redeeming qualities of winter. That's one activity that can't even be done in the "temperate" climate of Liberal Yuppieland, and three isolated days. Whoopee.

Where I grew up, it is freaking freezing in the winter (we're talking, I've had the ink in pens left in my car/pocketbook freeze on me), but at least it's pretty with the snow. And you can actually enjoy snow sports, rather than just being cooped up inside for months. And at least they PLOW the snow off the roads so you're just "at a higher risk for" rather than "guaranteed to get into" a car accident. Unlike Liberal Yuppieland.

Welcome winter. If you're gonna pull your half-assed act around here this year, well then... you suck. Go home.

Another Ridonkulous CL Experiment...

I nearly gave my poor Mom a heart attack over Christmas by telling her I am planning to sell ad space on the walls of my wedding reception site to recoup some of the costs (hey, cheaper and less work than decorating!)

Now if my Mom isn't the brightest crayon in the box, she can at least give the brightest crayon a run for his/her money. But the average person on CL is a total moron, so I'm going to see if I get any bites...

Selling Advertising Space

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Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here
Date: 2006-12-27, 9:40PM EST


I am getting married at the VFW Hall on May 9, 2007 and am planning to have over 100 guests at the reception. For the low price of $10/square foot, you can put up a poster advertising your business on the walls of the reception hall. I like the idea of boosting the local economy, and let's face it - traditional wedding reception decorations are a lot of work, wasteful, and expensive.

• 
  
• It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Proof they really DO hate kids in China

Seems China has gotten just as stupid as the USA in terms of who can and can't adopt. It seems it's now better for a child to rot in an orphanage than to be adopted by a fat parent. Or a depressed one. Or - gasp! - one who's on their second marriage.

See, I hear a lot of criticism of those who adopt from abroad, rather than from the US. Well, from what I understand, you need to have a perfect, shiny-happy record for the last several decades to be considered a fit adoptive parent. (Unlike being considered a fit biological parent, which seems to require functioning ovaries and/or testicles). So American orphans rot in foster homes for 18 years and get all screwed up, when all along they could have been adopted by loving parents, who, say, maybe had to seek counseling once in high school, or possibly grew up in a less-than-Ozzie-and-Harriet-home. The weird truth is there is *no* perfect parent out there. They're *all* going to screw their kid up in some way.

But in pursuit of unattainable parental perfection, there are kids in need of parents and wanna-be-parents in need of kids, neither is getting their needs met, and everybody's sad and suffering. Great going.

Now China's jumping on that bandwagon. Not only are they keeping kids and adoptive parents from each other, but they are forgoing the $14K in tourism and legal revenue (times God-knows how many couples each year) that they generate each time someone comes to their country to adopt a child.

Over some stupid prejudice about fat people.

Merry Christmas!

And if that's too politically incorrect for you, well then... freak off! For the record, I am showing solidarity with real religious minorities*... I have on my new Hankey the Christmas Poo slippers as memorial to all those who have been forced to hear someone wish them a "Merry (Holiday you don't celebrate)". God forbid! I know I personally would much rather be told "Drop Dead" than be forced to hear "Happy Diwali".

We now have 364 more days till the next Christmas (364 days to be honest - peace on earth and goodwill toward men ain't happening anytime soon) and the burning question remains - do we spend more on ourselves at the after-Christmas sales than on Christmas shopping itself?

*Catholics as a downtrodden minority is so passe that I declare we officially don't count anymore.

Nom de Plume...

To my loyal TMCL fans - I may be expanding my horizons, but like a true superhero, cannot reveal my mild-mannered alterego.

Help me think of a pen name.  I am open to any and all suggestions.